After I graduated from high school, I had decided to write a journal. I thought I would do it as a daily exercise, though that plan lasted all of a day. I wrote sporadically, then even more so, then rarely, then never. Not that there was much to reflect on in my youth. In hindsight, I hadn’t lived much, so it would have more or less been a chronicle of the mundane minutia of late childhood. Two decades later, the desire to reflect on a life poorly lived seems more appropriate than the teenage desire to write of a life unrealized.

Back then, I reacted to the particulars of a life just started that embarrass me in hindsight. I hadn’t had the time in to make an assessment of my own foolishness, but I sure felt inclined to get all up in my feelings at the time. I suppose that comes with the territory of youth. You think you know shit when you don’t know shit. Being ignorant coming out of the blocks is predictable and expected. You think the feelings are profound only to realize that they are fleeting. Every experience and its accompanying emotion are grains of sand building up to a sandcastle to be washed away by the waves of eternity.

What experiences I had contributes to my essence, but recalling them all is a challenge. Dates are easily lost, then the names go, then all I can remember is just the vague emotions that I felt at the time. Looking back feels stunting and somewhat self defeating, as it doesn’t help you move forward. Each time I look back, the sight gets blurrier and I wonder why I flipped my head back for the view.

But hell, I will keep flipping my head back anyway.

Soundtrack for the day on Spotify, 08072024:

1. What’s Golden – Jurrasic 5
2. Loud Pipes – Ratatat
3. (Hospital Vespers) – The Weakerthans
4. Passin’ Me By – The Pharcyde
5. Killing Me Softly With His Song – Roberta Flack
6. Roundabout – Yes
7. Day Dreaming – Aretha Franklin
8. Paupau New Guinea – The Future Sound of London
9. Missing (Todd Terry Remix) – Everything But The Girl
10. SWEET HEART MEMORY – SHAZNA
11. Wake The Dead – Comeback Kid
12. War – Hypnotic Brass Ensemble
13. Sir Duke – Stevie Wonder
14. 夏暁 – WANIMA
15. Spoonman – Soundgarden
16. Apache – Incredible Bongo Band
17. It’s A Better Than Good Time (Walter Gibbons Mix) – Gladys Knight
18. I’ll Be Around – The Spinners
19. Livin’ On A Prayer – Bon Jovi
20. Starboy – The Weeknd, Daft Punk